Ask the Experts: Firing a Bridesmaid
Q: How can I tactfully fire a bridesmaid?
A: Oh dear. Has it come to that? Ease up on the trigger finger, belea-
guered bride.
Q: How can I tactfully fire a bridesmaid?
A: Oh dear. Has it come to that? Ease up on the trigger finger, beleaguered bride. Planners say that wedding party strife is a given, and it’s normal to think about cutting someone loose. Still, it’s very unusual to actually vote someone off the island.
Peggy Post, author of the fifth edition of Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette: The Definitive Guide to Your Wedding Experience (HarperCollins, 2006), says the ax should only be wielded in extreme circumstances. “‘Tactfully’ and ‘fire’ are kind of opposite—that’s an oxymoron,” says Post. “You just don’t do it unless you have some extreme reason.”
Jane Souza, consultant at Occasions in Franklin, encourages some dialogue. “Talk first to your friend,” she says. “Remember the reason you asked her to be in your wedding.” Often in the bustle of planning, it’s easy to forget friendships.
If the heart-to-heart doesn’t make things better, offer your bridesmaid a way to bow out on her own. “They’re probably feeling the same way and will probably back out,” says Tasha Bracken, owner and principal design coordinator of Simple Details in Boston.
If no resignation is forthcoming and you feel like you have to jettison your bridesmaid, be prepared to pay the price. Planners were unanimous in their experience that ejecting someone from the wedding party usually ends the friendship as well.
“You have to be prepared to not have that friendship again,” says Donna Kim, owner of the Perfect Details in Boston. “You know who your true friends are after it’s all said and done.” And discretion will help heal things before the Big Day. “Don’t share your dirty laundry and tell everyone,” says Post. “Squash the gossip and move on.”