F#@%ing Pigeons!

As it turns out, it wasn’t just decades of shameful government neglect that led to the fatal collapse of the Interstate 35 bridge in Minneapolis, but also “guano,” or, as we laymen like to say, pigeon shit. According to scientists cited in this hilariously headlined AP story, the substance, which was layered on the Minn. bridge, corrodes steel beams, causing them to rust faster.

That pigeons are horrible has always been clear around here, particularly for anyone who’s had the misfortune of trying to eat lunch on the Common during nice weather, when the disgusting beasts come down in swarms leaving contrails of disease behind them. (Three years ago, one buzzed me, hitting me in the mouth with its wing, hence my bad feeling).

Only now, however, do we realize the extent of the threat pigeons pose. Lord knows we have more than enough in Downtown Crossing alone to level the Tobin and Longfellow bridges.

Hollywood (the area, not the industry) has launched an ingenious plan to control the booming pigeon population by spiking their food with OvoControl P, a pigeon contraceptive so humane that even PETA is down with it. We need that here, if only for the sake of our collapsing infrastructure.

We have a call in to City Hall to see if Boston’s looking into a similar plan, and we’ll post an update when we hear back.