Culture Snob: Bridget vs. Gisele
It’s time again for Dan Morrell’s Culture Snob, wherein our correspondent sizes up public figures based on their cultural preferences. This week we break down the battle between the ladies in Tom Brady‘s life.
Bridget or Gisele? Hollywood actress or international supermodel? It just won’t die. So here’s a last-ditch effort to kill this once and for all.
FAVORITE COCKTAIL
Moynahan: Vodka, straight up
Bundchen: Peach Passion
Winner: Moynahan
Peach Passion is only acceptable as a drinking career bookend. It’s equally suitable for 16-year-olds with a taste for Hi-C as it is for Florida retiree community denizens looking to make another day of shuffleboard and Matlock bearable.
HOBBIES
Moynahan: Knitting
Bundchen: Horseback riding; Karaoke; Walking dogs; Playing volleyball; Training on the trapeze; and surfing.
Winner: Moynahan
Knitting has a growing hipster following in respected cultural meccas like Williamsburg, SoHo, and Mattapan. But more importantly: Training on the trapeze? What exactly are you training for, Gisele? Is this whole modeling thing getting in the way of your dream of warming up the crowd for the lion tamer and the clown parade?
HIGH SCHOOL JOB
Moynahan: Abdow’s Big Boy, Western Mass.
Bundchen: International Model
Winner: Moynahan
On one hand, Bundchen’s adolescence spent traveling the world and appearing on haughty fashion magazine covers carries great cultural weight. But, the great American story is one of the underdog coming out of nowhere (Binghamton, NY qualifies) to star in action films and go on to sell us products that make our lives better. Faulkner clerked at a gun company. Kerouac pumped gas. Brando dug ditches. And Bridget Moynahan refilled the scrambled egg tin at the breakfast buffet at Abdow’s Big Boy.
WINNER: Moynahan
As Pats fans, it’s worth being concerned about Brady’s mental state should his girlfriend bolt on him right before the playoffs for a smooth-talking carnie with a handle of peach Schnapps. Something to keep in mind.
—DAN MORRELL
