Harvard Chemist Grows Insanely Large Pumpkin

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It has long been established that accomplished people often have multiple talents. Condoleezza Rice plays classical piano. Bob Dylan works with iron. Justin Bieber solves Rubix Cubes.

Case in point: Harvard Chemistry Professor Charles Lieber grows terrifyingly large pumpkins. Lieber’s 1,870 pound pumpkin set a Massachusetts state record at a pumpkin weigh-off this weekend, and was covered by Good Morning America.

The pumpkin beat 44 other pumpkins to take home first prize this weekend at the annual giant pumpkin weigh-off at Frerichs Farm in Warren, Rhode Island.

“It set the record as the biggest one grown in Massachusetts,” Lieber’s wife, Jennifer, told ABC News. “He would have liked to have broken the 1,900-pound barrier but he’s happy with it.”

We bring this story to you only to point out that sometimes, people are just more talented than you, and they’re more talented in a lot of disparate fields. Sorry, but had to be said. Look—on the one hand, Lieber’s chemistry “has had a defining influence on the field of nanoscience and nanotechnology,” according to his CV. On the other, his pumpkin could probably fill an entire Trader Joe’s with pumpkin specialty products for the fall season. Meanwhile, you got a B+ in honors chemistry and forgot to water that basil plant you bought at Whole Foods and kept on your kitchen counter until it died.

Lieber doesn’t seem to be using high-level science to grow his pumpkins to the size of a small apartment as part of some official university work. GMA reports that his son got him interested in the hobby, so he bought a book. Before long, they were hoisting the insane produce onto the backs of trailers to take them to competition. Now, they plan to carve the winning pumpkin into a Jack-o-Lantern, which is another way of saying: do not bring your small children to the Lieber house for Halloween because that pumpkin will likely eat them.