The Old Boston Herald Headquarters Is Now a Whole Foods

NON-DAIRY MILKS AT WHOLE FOODS. PHOTO BY JAMIE DUCHARME

The Boston Herald has long filled its pages with screeds against the half of the country that columnist Howie Carr sometimes collectively refers to as “Whole Foods nation” (where the national language, he says, is “quiche,” not to be confused with “quechua.”)

So the irony isn’t lost on us that a new Whole Foods supermarket will open in the mixed-use development on the site of the former Boston Herald headquarters in the South End this Friday. The store will pay homage to the location’s origins, decorating walls and signs with typesetting trays and historic editions of the Herald.

This is fun because, as the Globe bluntly puts it, “it’s unlikely that organic kombucha ever graced the front page of the mud-slinging, conservative-leaning tabloid.” In fact, Howie Carr once wrote that you can identify Elizabeth Warren voters because they “don’t wear makeup” and “always bring their Whole Foods shopping bags back to the store.”

Actually, except for using Whole Foods as occasional shorthand for the godless liberalism, the Herald hasn’t had much conflict with the chain. They’ve actually found themselves on the same side of a few fights in recent years. In 2009, liberals boycotted the store when its CEO published an editorial critical of President Obama’s health care proposals. The Herald called them “doofuses.” Then in 2011, Jamaica Plain activists tried to block Whole Foods from moving into the neighborhood. The Herald was again on #TeamKombucha.

So to mark the opening of Whole Foods and the cementing of Boston’s most unlikely relationship of mutual admiration, here is a guided timeline of puns the Herald has made about Whole Foods in headlines. Call it a love letter, written in the language the Herald knows best:

1. “Politically correct circus will have you rolling in the aisles.” January 31, 1993. Nice!

2. “Whole lotta protesting over CEO’s stance.” August 22, 2009. Boom.

3. “BUNCH OF TROUBLE!; POISONOUS SPIDERS SPOTTED IN GRAPES.” June 16, 2010. Nailed it! Also, horrifying story.

4. “Hi-Lo’s closing opens up Whole big debate in JP.” January 20, 2011. Well, you’ve used the “whole” pun already, but sure.

5. “JP grocery change feeds class-ic conflict.” January 21, 2011. Crushing it with these puns.

6. “Editorial: Whole lotta nonsense.” July 5, 2011. Okay, last time with that ‘whole’ pun guys.

7. “Walmart might try Whole new recipe.” October 28, 2011. Oh, still going?

8. “Critics say CEO’s book isn’t the ‘Whole’ story.” February 7, 2013. Please, though?

9. “Whole new market set to debut in Brookline; Grocer will skew to ready-to-eat items.” April 9, 2013. You know what? We give up.

10. “For supermarket honchos who think it doesn’t get any better than in-store banking, Whole Foods is about to eat your lunch.” November 23, 2014.  Just when we’re out of hope, they pull us back in. Damn, Herald, you’re good.