Pats Preview: Week 6

Some NFL analysts study trends. Others study stats. Our man, Gonz, does neither. But that won’t stop him from breaking down each week’s Patriots’ game. His picks are for amusement purposes only, since last year he dropped a small fortune to the world’s worst bookie.

As some of you may or may not know, I spent some time in Dallas before moving to Boston. In fact, if I had gotten one or two breaks, I would likely be on Capitol Hill, representing a portion of Texas, as we speak. Seriously, I was thisclose to becoming a member of Congress.

Anyway, point is, I’m in a unique position to break down Sunday’s clash between your New England Patriots and the hated Dallas Cowboys. And what better way to do so than by pitting Boston against Dallas in one of those side-by-side, city-vs.-city comparisons that lazy sportswriters love so much?

Indeed, it’s lobster rolls against corny dogs (that’s what they call them down there, I swear) after the jump.

Traffic/Transportation

Dallas: The streets are clogged with crazy people who never signal and who would gladly run you down.

Boston: The streets are clogged with crazy people who never signal and who would gladly run you down. But, on the plus side, you can always take the T, and Dallas doesn’t have a system that’s even close.

Advantage: Dallas. Why? Because, despite its lack of public transpo, Dallas offers convenience. You may have to fight traffic but, when you get to where you’re going, you can actually find parking spaces. And, shocker, they’re free. I know, I know — hard to believe.

Fans

Dallas: Home of the Mavs ManiAACs, a bunch of large men wearing belly shirts who dance at half-time during basketball games. (The AAC is uppercased, by the way, in an oh-so-clever nod to the Mavs home arena, the American Airlines Center.)

Boston: Red Sox Nation. That’s all that needs to be said.

Advantage: Boston. Between The Sons of Sam Horn and electing Rem Dog your “president,” the lot of you frighten me. I would never cross you.

Food

Dallas: Each year, during the Texas State Fair, thousands of people consume corny dogs (known to you and me as corn dogs, the breaded hot dogs served on sticks). They go nuts for them, or anything fried, really. You can also get fried Snickers and fried Twinkies at the State Fair. Honestly, they would fry your finger if you asked.

Boston: It’s hard to beat lobster rolls when you’re talking about making a sandwich out of seafood.

Advantage: Dallas. Come on, they fry Twinkies.

Dialect/Accent

Dallas: A healthy twang and a constant use of the word y’all (that’s a combination of “you” and “all” for the unacquainted). Let’s use it in a sentence: Y’all really need to try the corny-dogs.

Boston: Dropping “Rs” is tricky stuff, and best left to the true Bostonian.

Advantage: Boston. I love Southern Belles with accents. But, as cute as they are, when the men folk employ the same drawl, it’s a total whip.

Famous People

Dallas: Does it matter? (ed. note: Check out old D magazine’s lists of the city’s most eligible bachelors. They’ll put anyone on that thing).

Boston: The Afflecks.

Advantage: Dallas by default. (Poor Casey should change his last name, by the way.)

The Pick: I love good Tex-Mex, but there’s something about the view from the Mass. Ave. Bridge that just warms the heart. New England 28, Dallas 21.