VH1 Has a New Reality Show About Boston Because VH1 Hates You

We seem to be smack in the middle of the “Golden Age” in Boston-based reality shows, with a spate of programs whose portrayals of Boston range from admiring—as in the upcoming TNT series about Boston Police—to sad and clichéd—as with poor, miserable “Southie Rules.” We should have known, however, that VH1, home to fine reality programming such as “Flavor of Love” and “Hogan Knows Best,” would blow everyone out of the water with “Wicked Single,” a show premiering this St. Patrick’s Day about a bunch of drunk 20 and 30 somethings looking for love or STIs or something in this “city of f***ng champions,” as they say in the promo. A VH1 blogger has posted a trailer along with a blog post describing it, so let’s just take a little annotated reading to assess the damage, shall we? The blog post begins:

Just like American treasures of New Jersey and Staten Island previously depicted on the small screen, Boston is a unique gem deserving of the love and attention of television cameras.

Lord have mercy, this sentence should be burned at the stake. It should be taken out behind the shed with a shotgun. Just in case you weren’t sure that the producers were trying to turn Boston into the next “Jersey Shore,” VH1 wastes no time making it explicit. No please, condescendingly call us a “unique gem” one more time, VH1. You’re so sweet.

Historical monuments and city pride runs deep, but it’s also a city full of young people–52 schools reside in the metro area alone…

Not to be that guy, but you conjugated “runs” wrong, VH1. Aside from grammar, though, this sentence is actually going pretty well.

…which means there’s always a party.

Aaaaaaand never mind.

All of this makes for excellent TV, which is why we’re extremely proud and excited to bring you a first look at Wicked Single, VH1′s brand-new reality show set deep in the heart of Beantown.

It’s never a good sign when the fact that you’re using the word “Beantown” is the thing we hate least about your show’s write-up.

In the promo above, six twenty and thirty-somethings—also known as your soon-to-be BFFs…

Let’s just go ahead and say that these people will never be our BFFs. In fact, they are so far from our BFFs, that the mere mention of it makes us ROFLMAO. GTFOOH, VH1. GTFO.

… talk about what makes their city the greatest ever, and display impressive bravery when it comes to drunk dancing in public and wearing heels on cobblestone streets.

Raise your hand if you’re impressed. Anyone? Bueller?

Anyway, see if you can count the clichés VH1 managed to pack into a single trailer. Dropkick Murphys soundtrack? Check. At least sixteen dropped Rs per second? Yep. At this point, including the phrase “pahty hahhhd” is pretty much a tradition. Oh, hey, you know what else is a tradition in Boston? Tarring and feathering. Convenient, because that’s probably the fate that awaits the dumb schmos who signed their names to this tripe.