An Annotated Guide to the Verbalisms of Survivor’s Boston Rodney

While Survivor buffs are educated on the background and charisma of namesake castaway Boston Rob, the longtime reality show is circling back on local talent (we use that word loosely) within the current Worlds Apart cast. Boston native Rodney Lavoie Jr. is one of the 18 competitors on the show this spring, and as the poster person for our fair city, he is basically the contemporary version of Marky Mark (see: muscle tanks, upper-arm tattoos, exaggerated accent, radical feelings surrounding Tom Brady, etc.)

As the season unfolds, it’s clear Rodney is a rare specimen of a Bostonian, the type one can only find on reality TV and not, well, reality. Although, no one is sure if this is an act on behalf of the show, or if he is actually just this way—friends of Rod told Barstool he’s no faker.

Here, we present to you an annotated guide to some of Rodney’s memorable moments on the show in sayings, phrases, and general verbalisms.

PART 1

First, let’s briefly look at Rodney’s biography on Survivor’s website. This is an important piece to scrutinize and investigate with initial questions, a prerequisite for what’s to come.

Name (Age): Rodney Lavoie Jr., 24
Tribe Designation: Blue Collar (Escameca)
Current Residence: Boston

This needs to be more specific. Rod, do you mean Boston as in Boston Boston? Or do you mean Boston as in Newton/Arlington/Watertown/Cambridge? And if you mean Boston as in anywhere east of Framingham, you are mistaken.

Occupation: General Contractor
Personal Claim to Fame: I was captain of the Boston high school all-star football team and the basketball team. Also, I graduated with a bachelor’s degree.

Which Boston high school did you attend? Also, the way these sentences are paired, it seems as though you earned your bachelor’s degree from high school. This might be more CBS’s fault for not clarifying.

Inspiration in Life: Tom Brady- He is the “G.O.A.T.” He has 3 Super Bowl rings, a wife who is a “10,” loves his line of work, and fires me up. Go Pat’s!

While this choice holds no originality, it does hold substance—though it’s a shame that Tom Brady as a brave Facebook pioneer goes unmentioned. Also, claiming that Tom Brady “loves his line of work” is a rather humanizing statement. You’d think he was working in finance or something. You’re funny, Rodney!

Hobbies: Going to the gym, working out, playing basketball, video games, poppin’ bottles at the club and going to sporting events and concerts.
What Is Your Favorite Sport?: Basketball and football.
Pet Peeves: When guys take kissy face selfies on social media and poor driving etiquette.

Poor driving etiquette is a quintessential Massachusetts thing. Why does this bother you, and more importantly, why aren’t you participating?

3 Words to Describe You: Loyal, passionate and amusing.

While these are all redeeming qualities, these are also the same qualities one might describe a golden retriever. What about some weaknesses? Tell us your secrets, Rod.

If You Could Have 3 Things on The Island What Would They Be and Why?: 1. Cell phone (if it has service). 2. My boys. 3. A group of girls.

While you may not have “your” boys on the island, you do have other boys. And you absolutely have a group of girls. So one and a half of these things are erroneous. This question should be revisited.

Survivor Contestant You Are Most Like: No one! Nobody is going to play this game like how you’re about to see me play!

Well, that’s not really true. You’re sort of like Boston Rob just by association.

Reason for Being on Survivor: To show the world I am the total package. I’m not just an athlete or hustler, but I can beat out everyone for the million.

Please describe your definition of “total package.” This is essential to our evaluation.

Why You’ll “Survive” Survivor: I am athletic, a hustler, persuasive, a team player, amusing and strong.
Why Will You Be the Sole Survivor: With my smarts, athletic ability, hustle like a salesman and personality, I think I can make it, baby!

OK, Rod!

PART 2

Here, we look at some unscripted quotes from Rodney’s time on Survivor. This list will be added to as the season continues.

This is a valid and inventive food analogy on Rodney’s part. Although, is this a combination you have experimented with? It seems arbitrary for someone to come up with on a whim.

Don’t mess around with Rodney, you guys. Survivor is not a camping trip despite what you see on TV. (It does look like a camping trip, if you want to be technical.)

Nobody does this. Nobody does this anywhere. This is not encouraged.

This is not something people say here. Why do people on reality TV keep saying this? Repeat: this is not a reputable motto for the city.