A Gronking at Sea

In late February, Gronk’s Party Ship departs from Miami to the Bahamas. Rob Gronkowski will be there. Rob Gronkowski’s family will be there. Boat enthusiast Flo Rida will be there. If you’d like to be there, all you need is about $1,000 and this list of travel essentials to ensure your mental and physical well-being. Please Gronk safely.

Beer Helmet

Dispenses beer, protects head when you hit the deck.

Noise-Canceling Headphones

Flo Rida’s not awful, but fellow musical act Waka Flocka Flame is.

Dishwashing Liquid

Gronk, his brothers, and whichever seminude women happen to be accompanying them enjoy getting drunk and making DIY Slip’N Slides. Dish soap is Gronk’s choice of lube, so you’ll score points with the fam. It also reduces rug burns.

Lacey Noonan’s Fictionalized Sex-Romp A Gronking to Remember

Fantasy Gronk can fulfill your needs in the event that real Gronk doesn’t.

MRI Machine

For Gronk, who’s always an injury risk. Especially before he’s found his sea legs.

Photographs by iStockphoto (helmet, detergent, MRI); courtesy of SMS Audio (headphones)