There Will Be No Shaking Of Your Money Maker at the Big E

We love fairs. Where else can you pet farm animals, watch Canadian mounties, and taste the latest in foods that sound like a dare (fried pickles?)? The cognitive dissonance caused by the fact that Ludacris, the southern rapper loathed by both Bill O’Reilly and Oprah Winfrey, was scheduled to play the Big E is overwhelming us. And now we’re totally bummed that he won’t be appearing.

Officials with the Big E in West Springfield cite poor ticket sales for the decision to scratch the appearance that was scheduled for September 30. . . .

Local officials had said the rapper had to keep his act family friendly.

Thrown in with an, uh, eclectic, spate of performers that includes American Idol contestants Taylor Hicks (a combination of blues, soul, and R&B, according to his website) and Chris Daughtry (the “rocker” that lost out to Hicks two seasons ago), Joan Jett and reality TV star Brooke Hogan, Ludacris was the sole rapper on the bill. Clearly, the fair-going public was also confused as to what place rap has at a fair in West Springfield, Massachusetts and decided to buy tickets to Trace Adkins instead.

The news of Ludacris’ non-appearance makes us sad for what could have been. There would have been 701 people in that undersold arena to see what would happen when a man started rapping about hoes in different area codes in front of a bunch of New England cow farmers. Now we’ll just have to dream of what could have been, and cry into our fried Snickers.