Learning More About Gisele Bundchen

As we’ve said before, we’re bigger fans of Tom Brady’s ex-girlfriend than we are of his current flame. Bridget Moynahan is a local girl with a sense of humor, while Gisele Bundchen is a Brazilian hottie with an affinity for peach Schnapps and carnies.

But as we’ve also stated for the record, we love Brady unconditionally. So we read the new GQ profile on Bundchen in the hopes of better understanding what Brady sees in her.

Aside from the ability to make our grandpa’s tube socks look sexy, we’re sorry to say we still don’t get it.

Do you have a signature expression, like Zoolander’s “Blue Steel,” that you use when you want to be extra-seductive?
A photo is a story. Who will be this woman? Who will be wearing those sexy tops with boys’ underwear? I try to understand. Who is she? What kind of mood is she in?

Yawn. We’ve already learned this from Tyra Banks.

Were you using the media to tell Brady you wanted to date him?
Look, I’m Brazilian. I had never seen football before. I’m freezing, and all I’m thinking is, When can I go back to New York City?

You wanted to leave glorious Gillette Stadium for. . . New York City?

You’re a worldly supermodel; he’s an athlete from San Mateo, California. Are you teaching him about things like Riesling and seviche and langoustines?
Your questions are funny. Look, all I’m saying—do you want some ChapStick?—is I’m not teaching anybody anything. Everybody learns from traveling. I think we all do. I really don’t know how to answer that question, I’m sorry.

We can only hope Brady taught his girlfriend about the joy of eating chicken wings while watching American football in the freezing cold. It’s just as important a life skill as knowing a good Riesling when you find one.

So we’re still firmly on Team Moynahan. But we’ve got to admit we’ve never wanted to buy a pair of tube socks as much as we do now.