Kevin Convey Explains ‘Grotesquely Endowed’

We thought we’d learned all the euphemisms for the male anatomy from reading Cosmopolitan. There’s the somewhat graphic “member,” the cutesy “package,” and the generic “him.”

But after years of reading women’s magazines, we were caught off guard by the Herald’s description of the man in a picture Neil Entwistle posted to an adult website as “grotesquely endowed.”

“That was the subject of some discussion,” Herald editor Kevin Convey told us.

“If you could see the whole picture, you’d know what it meant,” Convey explains. In what has to be the strangest conversation we’ve had in months, we asked him what, exactly, was “grotesque.” Was it grotesquely large? Grotesquely ugly?

“All of the above,” Convey says before we could rattle off more adjectives. “It’s weird-looking, it’s huge, and it doesn’t belong to the guy in the chair.”

Not wanting to appear too obsessed with the naked guy’s member/package, we asked Convey why ABC was willing to share the disturbing image, which will air tonight on a Primetime special. He tells us that the Herald’s reporters, primarily Joe Dwinell, had been working with the network as the trial progressed, and that permission to use the image was “one of the fruits of those labors.”

As is “grotesque endowment.” We’re going to have to use that one in casual conversation sometime.