Must-See TV: GOP WrestleMania with Referee Donald Trump

The Holiday gift-giving season will be coming a bit late this year for folks like Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert and Jay Leno. That’s because a landmark event that promises to be a cornucopia of comic political punch lines won’t happen until December 27 — the GOP debate, sponsored by Newsmax and moderated by Donald Trump.

The fireworks for this one began when the invitations went out. Ron Paul turned it down flat, saying “The selection of a reality television personality to host a presidential debate … is beneath the office of the presidency” and that “Mr. Trump’s participation will contribute to an unwanted circus-like atmosphere.”

Jon Huntsman, turned the invite down, too, saying of the new GOP kingmaker Mr. Trump, “I’m not going to kiss his ring, and I’m not going to kiss any other part of his anatomy.”

Trump in turn, the moderator-to-be mind you, called Ron Paul and Huntsman clowns and liars. Maybe someone on his staff should explain to Trump what “moderate” actually means.

So far, it is not unlike the promos filled with fireworks, wild boasts, and murderous assaults with folding chairs used to promote the Pay-Per-View WrestleMania events.

When the actual debate occurs, Trump, the great businessman, will surely be asking tough questions about how to deal with difficult economic issues. Trump has clearly shown he has his own way of solving economic problems. Donald Trump — or companies that bear his name — have declared bankruptcy four times.

And the fact that Trump will be moderating will give some comfort to the “family values” voters who will be tuning in. After a long series of scandals involving risqué pictures, provocative poses, and questionable behavior by both winners and contestants in Trump’s Miss Universe Pageant, the organization has just recently come down squarely on the side of having its contestants wear underwear when making public appearances. Good for Donald! And hopefully, showman that he is, he will include a bathing suit competition as part of the reality show debate. Just think of the ratings gold that could bring.

So far the only person to express real enthusiasm for the great Trump debate is Tea Party favorite Newt Gingrich, who staunchly defended the choice of the Donald as a moderator, calling him a great showman. Gingrich also recently also came out squarely in favor of bringing back child labor. The Newtster is apparently hoping that if the whole President thing doesn’t work out, he can get a job as a comic villain in the next film adaptation of a Charles Dickens novel. If all current and the ex-wives of Trump and Gingrich show up, it would look like a scene from Big Love.

The cherry on top of this whole comic cream pie is the fact that the presenting organization is Newsmax. The founder and CEO Newsmax is a fellow named Christopher Ruddy. Before Newsmax, Ruddy was probably best known for flogging the wingnut conspiracy theory that the 1993 suicide of Vince Foster was actually a murder staged to look like a suicide by those nefarious evil doers — the Park Police. And that to help the murderous Rangers escape detection while they schlepped a 200-pound dead body around a public park in broad daylight, they wore (I kid you not) bright orange vests.

In a review of Ruddy’s book, Slate.com described him as the:

“Inspector Clouseau of the Foster case — a determined, if bumbling, former New York Post reporter who has virtually single-handedly spawned a cottage industry of conspiracy buffs.”

Though Ruddy’s conspiracy theory about Foster was one that the Clinton haters loved to love, it was thoroughly and completely debunked by the 114 page final report issued by a hard-nosed Special Investigator, Kenneth Starr. Yes, that Kenneth Starr.

So, it’s going to be quite a cast of characters that will be piling out of the tiny little clown car on December 27 for the Great Trump Debate. And one of the things that I am especially looking forward to is some lively debate on China and trade policy.

Back when he was pretending to run for President, Trump became a high-profile China basher. “The problem with our country is we don’t manufacture anything anymore,” Trump complained on Fox News. “The stuff that’s been sent over from China falls apart after a year and a half. It’s crap.”

Writing this, I remembered I had an old blue tie from the Trump Signature Clothing Collection. I bought it in New York for a few bucks at the great discount clothing outlet Century 21. I dug through my closet, found the tie, and looked at the label. And sure enough, there it was: “Handmade in China.” I think I’ll wear it while I watch the debate. Just to see if anything falls apart.