CharlieCard Ads We'd Rather Not See

A Brady billboard in your pocket. (Photo Illustration by John Ueland, Photo by Landov)

Local startup Trans Metro Media has hatched a plan to help the MBTA out of its $161 million deficit: Turn CharlieCards into pocket-size billboards. Nice idea … until you’re stuck toting a Tom Brady-for-Uggs ad around all day. It seems CharlieCard ads are inevitable (the city is reviewing bids), so here are a few (fictional) sponsorships we’d rather not see.

• Medical Research: Plenty of depressed commuters would be willing to take experimental anxiety drugs for cash. But a constant reminder of our desperation? No, thank you. Now we’re late for work and wallowing in self-pity. Try this instead: Just sell Xanax (brand name: CharlieChill) at the ticket kiosk.
• O’Doul’s: Hey, T: You want to ban Bud Light and Svedka ads in the name of morality? Fine. But don’t make us think about drinking this swill. Try this instead: Put a café car (with overpriced beer!) on every train, à la Amtrak.
• Yankee Candle: With sample scent strip! We’d rather endure the stench of a packed subway in July than have our pockets and purses reek of “Kitchen Spice.” Try this instead: Clean the floors once in a while, and more people might actually take the train.