Deconstructing The Terribly Awkward ‘At Fenway’ Video

Earlier this week, the following monstrosity was posted to YouTube. It’s a new music video for the song “At Fenway,” by Brian Evans. The tune was actually released to little fanfare in 2011. Unfortunately, it’s come back to haunt us in this form:

Its horrors are almost unspeakable, but worth breaking down for comedic effect:

0:00-0:20
A 12-year-old (approximately) in a Red Sox hoodie walks into Fenway Park’s empty grandstand, rhythmically flipping a ball back and forth. Poor kid.

0:20-0:36
Cue the drums and the shots of a bustling Fenway on game day. Soon, people in the stands—the video was shot after a game in September—start chanting “Fenway.” Are these outtakes from Fever Pitch?

0:37-0:45
Here comes Evans, in a tuxedo, strutting along the warning track near the Green Monster. Not sure what he’s doing with his hands.

0:38-0:49
Cut to Evans, who’s now in a Red Sox uniform—he’s wearing Jason Varitek’s No. 33—that’s about three sizes too big. He starts high-fiving the crowd, then defiantly puts his hands on his hips.

0:50-1:15
Now Evans is back in his tux, on the mound, singing the first line of the song. “Gonna spend the day over at Fenway. Gonna see them hit that ball a mile high.” Apparently, Evans loves foul pop ups. In fact, at 1:02, he’s in the stands, catching one.

1:16-2:13
Evans is at the plate now. (He’s a lefty.) He’s hitting and singing at the same time, and inexplicably the umpire is William freaking Shatner, who’s deep in shtick. This kicks off a montage of actors playing baseball. Fantasy camp participants look more natural. Oh, and Evans hits a home run.

2:14-2:54
Evans is in his tux again. He finishes singing, and takes a bow.

2:55-3:03
The kid’s back, and Fenway Park is empty. Now let’s never speak about this again.

(In the video’s final few seconds, Evans pays tribute to his mother. It was a sweet way to end the most terrible video ever.)