Everyone Except New England Thinks Bill Belichick and Tom Brady Are Lying

On Thursday, after Bill Belichick and Tom Brady held press conferences on Deflategate/Ballghazi/high school chemistry, ESPN’s Sports Center polled its audience, asking, “Do you believe Bill Belichick and Tom Brady when they say they do not know how the Patriots footballs got deflated in the AFC title game?” The answers were split fairly evenly with 47 percent saying “yes” and 53 percent saying “pants on fire.” When you break the results down by geography, though…

New England fans are standing by the Patriots in this @SportsNation poll. » http://t.co/jdIB2u9caq pic.twitter.com/OQd6qgiHDd

— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) January 23, 2015

So, uh, yikes. Deadspin calls us “a nation divided” against itself, but is that even true? It’s more like “a nation fairly united in its skepticism with one small part of itself.” Jeez, a map hasn’t looked this bad for the old Bay State since the 1972 presidential election between Richard Nixon and George McGovern:

Image Credit: The Wikimedia Foundation

But you know what? In 1972, those other 49 states voted for Richard “I’m not a crook” Nixon. Sometimes, the rest of the country should listen to us wizened, old New Englanders, is all we’re saying.

This poll, of course, doesn’t have any real significance except to tell us what we already know: no one likes the Patriots except Patriots fans. What do Sports Center fans know about the truth of the matter that you don’t? America doesn’t know anything. They’re watching the same press conferences as you are, and reading the same “hot takes.” (Oh god, the hot takes.) All this suggests, as any overwrought sports columnist will tell you, is that the Patriots image, no matter the truth in the situation, isn’t doing so hot.

But hey, at least the fans are loyal.