New York Tabloids Are Running out of Deflategate Jokes

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We have crossed the 200-day threshold since Bob Kravitz of WTHR in Indianapolis first tweeted that the NFL was investigating the possibility that the New England Patriots had deflated balls for the AFC Championship Game, in which the Pats trounced Andrew Luck and Colts, 45-7.

Since then, facing a dearth of any good Jets news, the New York City tabloids have savored Tom Brady’s misfortune in a nearly seven-month schadenfreude bender. With the release of the league’s 20-page report upholding the quarterback’s four-game suspension and alleging he destroyed his phone in order to keep the prying eyes of investigators at bay, it’s not likely the Post or Daily News will be coming down off that high in the foreseeable future.

Did you hear a strange sound this morning? It was the bottom of the barrel being scraped with the vigor of an Eighth Avenue junkie in need of a fix, as all conceivable testicle puns have been done already. The Daily News is so desperate, they included a cover from brighter days, when thousands of unmade lumpy gonad jokes stretched out in front of them forever. The Post, meanwhile, went with a photo of Gisele Bundchen exiting a plastic surgery clinic in Paris (sure, why not?) draped in what appears to be a burqa, quite literally covered up. It leaves one wondering if a bastion of sensitivity and prudence like the Post paired the traditional Islamic dress with the word “bombshell” intentionally.

Do better.