Hillary Clinton Emails Reveal Staff Asked Santa for a Red Sox Championship

Photo via AP

Thanks to the tireless work of VICE’s Jason Leopold, more than 7,000 emails from former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s private account have been released to the public. So far, the most notable finds have involved gefilte fish, Parks and Recreation, and Clinton’s byzantine practice of emailing a staffer to print an email.

In a December 22, 2009 email, U.S. Assistant Secretary of State for Public Affairs Philip J. Crowley let Clinton know what he told the press about her Christmas plans (emphasis ours):

We had a little fun at today’s briefing. our friends in the media have been bugging us regarding your holiday plans, so we announced your departure from Washington in the following way:

“…And finally, a few of you have asked about the schedule of the Secretary of State over the next few days. I can tell you this morning the Secretary of State over the next few days. I can tell you this morning the Secretary departed Washington and she stopped at the North Pole for an important bilateral meeting with a well known international figure. During the meeting, in a formal demarche, sung to the tune of Twelve Days of Christmas, the Secretary outlined her aspirations for the new year. They include, and feel free to hum along: open and accountable governments, Middle East negotiations, more civilians in Afghanistan, empowerment of women, fewer nuclear weapons, respect for human rights, resolution of historic grievances, treaties through the United States Senate, Six-Party Talks, dialogue with Iran, enough food for people of the world to eat, climate change legislation, and lastly, a championship for the Boston Red Sox. Okay, that last one’s not on her list, but Harold Koh and I thought it was important that we mention that here.”

Crowley, a Brockton native, CC’d then White House lawyer Harold Koh, a fellow Bostonian and uncle of Boston Mayor Marty Walsh’s Chief of Staff Dan Koh. The request fell on deaf ears, as the 2010 Red Sox missed the playoffs for the first time since 2006, finishing third in their division. Clinton, a former U.S. senator from New York, is a long-suffering Chicago Cubs fan, pictured above singing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” with legendary broadcaster Harry Caray.

Clinton’s détente with Santa sounds suspiciously like a Festivus celebration, sans pole: feats of strength (“empowerment of women”), airing of grievances, (“Middle East negotiations,” “resolution of historic grievances,” “dialogue with Iran,”), Festivus dinner (“enough food for people of the world to eat”), and Festivus miracles (“open and accountable governments”).