Six Tips for Hosting and Attending BDSM Parties in Boston

Illustration by Sam Island

Boston is home to plenty of bondage enthusiasts—most highly educated, and many working for startups and universities. Take Adam,* for instance. By day, he works at a Kendall Square tech company. By night, he’s been known to invite a few friends over for some painfully pleasurable play. “When you talk about the BDSM scene,” he says, “you’re referring to lots of little scenes in lots of living rooms.” Here, Adam shares some handy BDSM party etiquette tips, in the event that you get an invite.

For the Host

1. Set rules in the invitation. “Keep the noise down after 11” or “No blood play near the new carpet” are guidelines your guests should respect.

2. Stack your guest list. To avoid a slow start, have a few friends on hand who are willing to be the first on the dance floor, so to speak.

3. Lay in supplies. Alcohol: bad. Gatorade: good. Bandage shears are a must in case someone needs to get out of rope in a hurry. And hand sanitizer is helpful—but “keep it away from the lube,” Adam says, “because that’s a funny mistake.”

For the Guest

1. Bring toys. Most parties are BYO paddle. Don’t use someone else’s flogger or dildo without permission; it’s considered bad form.

2. Leave no trace. Always clean up your own bodily fluids, especially if you want to be invited back.

3. Loose lips sink ships. It’s okay to trade a knowing nod with a fellow reveler over breakfast burritos at Diesel the next morning, but what happens at the party stays at the party.

* Names with asterisks have been changed for privacy reasons.

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