Mansfield Police to Jimmy Buffett Fans: Buckets Aren’t Toilets

Photo via the Mansfield Police Department

It’s time once again for the gathering of the fun-loving moms and dads of the Jimmy Buffett fandom. And that means it’s also time once again to talk about all those buckets of poop.

For the second year in a row, police in Mansfield are warning tailgating concert-goers that they will not tolerate makeshift bathrooms on the vast parking lot of the Xfinity Center when Buffett rolls through this weekend.

We’ll let the quippy folks at the Mansfield Police Department take it from here:

Although Officer Martell may write like a doctor, we’re far from qualified to discuss the physiology of the digestive system. But we do know that after eating questionably-refrigerated meat and sipping a few adult beverages, you’re gonna need to GO.

Fortunately, the folks at Live Nation New England have supplied the parking lots with an abundance of actual, health-code-compliant toilets that aren’t attached to the bumper of a pickup truck. We want to get the word out early this year that the “tent toilets” will not be permitted (or tolerated). We know, we know….no one likes to poo in a Porta-Loo, but think of it as an experience to build character. Like showering at camp with a family of spiders.

Yep, that’s right. Much like the wearing of Hawaiian shirts and gratuitous ice luge shot-taking, it has apparently become a tradition among fans of the “Cheeseburger in Paradise” songsmith to forego porta potties in favor of doing their business in five-gallon plastic buckets. According to Mansfield police, these receptacles can be found shrouded by cardboard, stored in tents, or fastened to a trailer hitch, often topped with tush-cushioning foam noodles.

Police got involved in all of this last year, when they told the Sun Chronicle about the putrid scourge. “Seventy-five to 100 people were instructed to take down ad hoc houses,” the paper reported. And then “seven to 10” people just left their smelly creations in the parking lot after the show.

“We’re just not set up to handle that kind of waste,” Xfinity Center General Manager Jeff Mann told the Chronicle last summer.

The news made a smelly splash.

“Diarrheaville,” Vanyaland called it last year. “Margaritaville must smell like ass,” wrote Spin magazine.

“Buffett fans: Pollute your ears with aural shit all you want,” wrote A.V. Club. “Just don’t force your actual shit on other people.”

Tough, but fair.

Now, for good measure, here is a video of Jimmy Buffett doing the Ice Bucket Challenge: