Check Out the Most Hilarious, Depraved Vanity License Plates Rejected by Massachusetts This Year

Photo illustration by Spencer Buell

“PISSA”

“MLFMAN”

“TINYD”

“COV19”

These are just some of the vanity license plates Massachusetts sickos, perverts, and freaks requested from the Commonwealth in the past year-and-a-half, only to be thwarted by the censors at the RMV.

We know this because the Massachusetts Department of Transportation is required by state law to preserve rejected vanity plate applications as public records, along with the state’s reasons for rejecting them. That means they’re available to anyone curious enough to peek behind the curtain for a glimpse inside the minds of Massachusetts drivers. I was curious enough, and as a result requested hundreds of pages of documents that detail exactly which messages our fellow drivers wanted to stamp on state-authorized metal for all the world to see in 2020 and 2021.

Sadly, all of the priceless turns of phrase listed in this strange archive were never fated to become vanity plates. Unlike in Maine, where drivers (at least for now) are allowed to slap profanities on their license plates to their hearts’ content, Massachusetts drivers are stymied by the RMV’s strict bans on offensive messaging. Combinations of letters and numbers that are “vulgar,” “obscene,” mention a “sex act,” or express “contempt” or “ridicule” for a protected group are prohibited.

The RMV makes all of this crystal clear on its vanity plate application form. Nevertheless, many, many, people shoot their shot. In a pandemic, no less.

Here are the highlights, which offer a remarkable look at both how state authorities decide what is and isn’t appropriate for the viewing public, and how the Masshole mindset persevered even in these trying times for our state. Herewith, some favorites:

• One driver, whose efforts you simply have to admire, filed three requests with a similar theme: MLFLVR, MLFS, and MLFMAN. The guy just loves Major League Fishing, it seems.
• Not one but two people sought a plate reading PISSA. Sadly, that beloved regional slang is disqualified for being “vulgar in that it is in poor taste.”
• Two separate applicants wanted their license plate to read GFYM, one of whom sought to increase their odds by requesting GFYM1, GFYM2, and GFYM3. Those, too, were deemed “vulgar.”
• Also considered vulgar by MassDOT’s standards: LMFAO, SHTBX, and MOIST.
• Other references to moisture that did not meet the RMV’s standards: WETYET, WTYETT, and WTYET1 were all rejected on the grounds that the phrases were “sexual.”
• For reasons clear only to the applicant, someone wanted to emphasize the size of a certain body part, enough to make three separate requests: LILDCK, LILCCK, and TINYD. The RMV deemed those plates “profane.”

Actual rejection letter. I am not making this up!

• Interestingly, PERIOD was also considered “profane,” as were the phrases FLEEK, SLAY, LITTY, FVCKM3, and MMKAY.
• Appreciation of the female form can also allegedly cross the line. This year the RMV rejected both VAGLVR and PSYLVR.
• The RMV deprived one driver the privilege of displaying this plate: PSYWGN. A psychiatrist with a sick new ride, perhaps?
• The letter combination “AF” is also, apparently off-limits. Sad news for the slowpoke who sought SLOWAF, the anti-racist who wanted WOKEAF, and whoever wanted to celebrate their heritage with ITLNAF.
• “MF” won’t fly either, unfortunately for the bad MF who applied for BADMF.
• If you spell “ass” like “azz,” that too violates the rules. So no luck for AZZKKR, BADAZZ, and KCKAZZ, all of which were rejected this year.
• A driver who is apparently no fan of the new president (FKBDN) will have to express his or her political leanings some other way.
• At the height of popularity for the banger of the summer of 2020, someone requested WAP. Sadly that too was denied, because it was “obscene in that it refers to a sexual body part, a term for or most closely associated with a sex act, or the availability for sex.”
• Despite the recent strides Massachusetts has made on legalized cannabis, tributes to the billion-dollar legal weed industry are also subject to censorship. CAP420 and BLZON were both rejected by the RMV.
• The vanity plates SATAN, MORTE, and DEATH also got the axe. The reason given for this rejection was simply, “religion.”
• Just one plate was rejected on the grounds it “disparages or belittles someone or something”: SUXTBU.
• Other plates deemed “inappropriate” include PEKKA, BLOMI, ITSICK, RVLTNG, and interestingly, TORQUE.
• Sometimes the RMV is asked to make tough calls, and often plays it safe. The plate ELYBJO was denied because, according to the rejection letter, it “could be deemed offensive due to the BJ.”

You never know.

• For that reason the state also thought a plate reading FISHY sounded… fishy. So it rejected it because the “Significance/Meaning of the Plate is missing or incomplete.”
• The horror fan who requested REDRUM was denied, due to the iconic movie’s reference implying “violence.”
• The word WUBBY was also denied due to being “offensive.” I can’t figure out why, so apologies to whomever I’ve offended by reprinting it here.
• DOGECN did not make it past the RMV—not because it was deemed offensive, but because some other cryptocurrency enthusiast had already claimed that plate.
• The RMV will reject inappropriate references in other languages, too. Whoever thought OPPAI (Japanese slang for “breasts”) would fly guessed wrong.
• Most disturbing of all, though, may be the twisted monster who requested, and was denied, a plate reading COV19. Who would do such a thing, and why? To remind fellow drivers about this dog-shit year in perpetuity? As misguided tribute to the lives we lost? For the clout? Explain yourself! Or better yet, don’t.
  

  Jail time for this one.