How to Say “No” to Your Child’s Phone Use — and Stick to It
Is your kid always scrolling, even during meals or homework time? Here are four ways to take back control.
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As part of our Top Schools 2024 special report about kids and cell phones, we’ve asked two experts for tips on how to manage your child’s phone use. Here are four ways to take back control.
1. Remember who’s in charge.
“We’ve got to remember who the parent is here. If we were to turn that smartphone into a bottle of vodka, would they have a problem saying no?” says Boston Children’s doctor of adolescent medicine Michael Rich. “This is not you being a bad parent, a mean parent. We owe our kids a diverse menu of experiences, which a phone can be part of when used in purposeful and mindful ways. But it should be introduced as a power tool, not as a toy.”
2. Confiscate the device at key times.
If your child is scrolling to the exclusion of specific activities, such as sleep or mealtime conversations, go ahead and pull the plug. “The simplest thing is to take the phone away. Literally take it away at whatever time at night is reasonable for your family,” says Mass General pediatric psychologist Ellen Braaten, author of Bright Kids Who Couldn’t Care Less: How to Rekindle Your Child’s Motivation.
3. Embrace boredom.
Sometimes, parents are afraid that kids will complain about being bored without their precious smartphone appendage. But as Braaten says, boredom can be a good thing. If your child is always on the phone, “They’re not spending time on other things, nurturing their brain and developing their social skills. We have to get okay with boredom and saying to our children, ‘Find something to do.’ Letting them find it is the hardest thing,” Braaten says.
4. Admit your mistakes.
Maybe your adolescent is already glued to a smartphone, and you regret the initial purchase. “It’s okay to say, ‘We screwed up as parents. I really know what’s best for you because I am the parent. I pay for the phone. I want you to have some of this downtime built into your life that you haven’t had yet,’” Braaten says.
First published in the print edition of the September 2024 issue as part of our Top Schools 2024 package, with the headline, “How to Say ‘No’ — and Stick to It.”
