Why Can’t We Try the Dunkin’ Cronut?

Maybe we were spoiled thinking that because Dunkin’ Donuts is based here in Massachusetts, we might get to try out all of its strangely-awful-but-intriguing experimental products before the rest of the world. They gave us a big jump on everyone with the glazed donut breakfast sandwich, after all. And yet, we turn our backs for three seconds and they go and roll out an imitation cronut—in South Korea of all places—without telling us. Were we not good enough guinea pigs, Dunks?

You know what, never mind. We don’t want their dumb knock-off cronut. In case you’ve been living under a large boulder or, you know, you have literally anything to do more interesting than following the latest in pastry crazes, a recap: the cronut is a combination donut-croissant available only at the Dominique Ansel bakery in New York City, and it has sent people hog wild—wild enough to wait in line for hours, or spend way too much money on the cronut black market to get their hands on one. (Really. This is apparently what we’re all missing by living in Boston. $100 donuts.) Other pastry chefs have tried to imitate the thing, rolling them out under fun names like cro-not and dossant.

And now comes news that Dunkin’ Donuts has figured out a way to mass produce them.  Quartz has done some reporting:

A Dunkin Donuts spokesman told Quartz that the chain introduced the “New York Pie Donut” this past weekend. Dunkin Donuts also launched a “Donut Croissant” in Manila a few weeks ago but has no plans to introduce them in the US right now. In South Korea, the pastries are being sold in the high-end Seoul neighborhood of Gangnam, as well as Jamsil and Myungdong.

New York Pie Donut is, undoubtedly, a weird translation of something that sounds better in Korean. (Fun fact, the Chinese word for a McFlurry translates to “Icy Whirlwind.” The more you know!) But back to the point. There is simply no way this is going to be very good. Well, we’ll take that back. However it is, it won’t on the same level as the possibly crack-filled cronut. Consider the actual cronut bakery’s own description of the labor involved in making this thing:

Chef Dominique Ansel’s creation is not to be mistaken as simply croissant dough that has been fried. Made with a laminated dough which has been likened to a croissant (but uses a proprietary recipe), the Cronut™ is first proofed and then fried in grapeseed oil at a specific temperature. Once cooked, each Cronut™ is flavored in three ways: 1. rolled in sugar; 2. filled with cream; and 3. topped with glaze. Cronuts™ are made fresh daily, and completely done in house. The entire process takes up to 3 days.

That tends to be why supplies are so limited. It isn’t conducive to mass production. “New York Pie Donuts” might be their own new, fun, delicious invention. But they aren’t a way to get access to a cronut.

So whatever, Dunkin’. You decided not to test your weird knockoff cronut in Boston. That’s fine … We have better knockoff cronut options anyway …

… But actually doesn’t croissant dough that’s been fried sound kind of good? Dammit, Dunks, we take it back. Let us have one.